"I will not become what I witnessed." | Childhood trauma and identity

Nicole Engelbrecht never had to be told to keep a secret.

She just knew. From an early age, she understood that what happened inside the house stayed inside the house, because children who grow up in chaotic environments learn the rules of survival before they learn anything else.

Nicole grew up with domestic violence, substance abuse, financial instability, and a father who moved in and out of her life before disappearing entirely. She managed other people's emotions to prevent conflict from peaking into violence. She raised a sibling's child through her own high school exams. She left home at seventeen with nothing and put herself on a path as far from what she had witnessed as she could get.

She became the queen of true crime podcasting in South Africa. She built a career out of staring into darkness, and sleeping just fine.

It wasn't until her early forties, listening to a psychology podcast mid-run, that she finally understood why.

This story follows Nicole's journey from a childhood shaped by chaos to the moment a single word - compartmentalisation - cracked open a lifetime of quietly sealed boxes. It explores childhood trauma and survival strategies, the difference between resilience as a badge of honour and resilience as a coping mechanism built from necessity, and what it takes to unpack the stories we tell ourselves just to get through the day, and write new ones that finally tell the whole truth.

This story explores:

• childhood trauma and identity formation
• compartmentalisation as a survival strategy
• domestic violence and its long-term psychological impact
• resilience built from necessity, not character
• trauma and the stories we tell ourselves
• the lifequake hidden inside an ordinary moment
• healing from childhood experiences
• identity reconstruction in adulthood
• true crime, empathy, and lived experience

About Nicole Engelbrecht

Nicole Engelbrecht is the creator and host of the multi-award-winning True Crime South Africa podcast and the author of four true crime books, including Samurai Sword Murder: The Morné Harmse Story, Sizzlers, Killer Stories and Bare Bones. She pioneered the first companion podcast of its kind in South Africa with Showmax's Devil's Dorp in 2021. She is based in South Africa and produces weekly episodes of True Crime South Africa with the empathy of someone who knows, from the inside, that there is a fine line between telling the story and being it.

About Something Shifted

Something Shifted is a documentary-style, narrative podcast about identity after interruption. It tells stories of life before and after pivotal moments of change, where familiar structures fall away and new ways of being slowly emerge. Hosted by South African broadcaster Sean Loots, the podcast explores grief, resilience, transformation, and the lived experience of becoming someone different after life changes unexpectedly.

These are stories of life after interruption, told with honesty, detail, and emotional depth.

Explore more narrative stories of identity, resilience, and life transition wherever you listen
Recorded at Latitude Podcast Studio.
Listen to Something Shifted: The Soundtrack on Spotify

About Something Shifted

Something Shifted is a documentary-style, narrative podcast about identity after interruption. It tells stories of life before and after pivotal moments of change, where familiar structures fall away and new ways of being slowly emerge. Hosted by South African broadcaster Sean Loots, the podcast explores grief, resilience, transformation, and the lived experience of becoming someone different after life changes unexpectedly.

These are stories of life after interruption, told with honesty, detail, and emotional depth.

Listen to more episodes

Explore more narrative stories of identity, resilience, and life transition wherever you listen to podcasts. Listen to Something Shifted: The Soundtrack on Spotify