"I was alone with him when he died." - Zuraida Jardine

WEBVTT - This file has cues.

00:00:01.800 --> 00:00:06.120
Hey, how are you?
And if you say, fine, I'm gonna

00:00:06.120 --> 00:00:09.930
assume you mean, like, the acronym.
Freaked out, insecure, neurotic,

00:00:09.930 --> 00:00:12.270
and emotional.
That was doing the rounds when I

00:00:12.270 --> 00:00:14.820
was a kid.
Back then, I would laugh because

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it sounds silly.
Now that I'm in my 40s,

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I laugh because it's true.
Have you heard of the term Life

00:00:22.470 --> 00:00:24.690
quake?
Well, in this podcast we talk about

00:00:24.690 --> 00:00:28.350
life quakes, those unpredictable
seismic shifts in time that lead to

00:00:28.350 --> 00:00:31.650
profound growth and empowerment.
You can expect heartfelt

00:00:31.650 --> 00:00:34.740
conversations throughout the
season that reveal the joy and

00:00:34.740 --> 00:00:40.140
discomfort of unexpected change.
And I think you're going to like

00:00:40.140 --> 00:00:42.600
it here.
My name is Shawn,

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and this is something shifted.

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Today's story belongs to Zoraida.
My mom died when I was 33.

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And even then, like, 20 years later,
there was still no discussion

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around that day. That's next.
I lead a demanding lifestyle and I'm

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very guilty of wanting more for less.
Especially when it comes to food.

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I want to feel like I'm eating
restaurant food, but I don't want to

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leave my house and I really don't
want to organize a babysitter.

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I want to try new flavors,
but I also don't want to spend

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money on ingredients that I
might never use again.

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And let's be honest, I don't want to
eat the same thing over and over,

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but I really don't have time to
think about what we're going to

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eat for dinner every night.
You know what I mean?

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Well,
you cook changed all of that for us.

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We choose what we want to eat.
And you cook delivers all of the

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ingredients,
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No more standing in queues to
weigh my fresh produce.

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No more impulse buys sneaking
their way into my trolley.

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You cook is always adding new
recipes to choose from,

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and I've even picked up some new
skills thanks to those easy to follow

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recipe cards, and because you cook,
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each recipe. We never waste any food.
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I love the convenience, I love the
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carb conscious meals for one week.
And then when Rose folks come to

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The hardest part is deciding which of
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because everything on the
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We'll never know exactly when our
last day is, what I last meal will

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be, or who the last person is.
We'll see the last person we speak

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to, the last person we touch.
But for the person that does

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stay behind,
the last time is never forgotten.

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My dad was working a night shift
that that evening, and I went to

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his room and he was lying.
He was sitting up in bed and he

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had these chest pains and he was
groaning.

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Zoraida was the last person to
see her dad alive.

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She was the last person to speak
to him.

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She was also the last person to
comfort him.

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And as a teenager,
she was in conflict with her mom.

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And I said to him, you know,
come get up. Dad.

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And I could tell that something
was wrong, but I didn't call for.

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I didn't call for my mom.
Um, and then I just sat with him.

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I think I was rubbing his back
or touching his back,

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and then he just toppled over in
front of me and was dead.

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And then I started screaming.
I vividly remember getting onto

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the bed and just jumping up and
down like screaming, and it felt

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like it took the longest time for
my mom to actually come upstairs.

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I don't know why they took that long,
but they took a really long time.

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And, um, you know, they tried to
give him mouth to mouth and I just,

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I then head away.
I remember hiding away.

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It was still those days where the
doctors would come to your home.

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And so a doctor came to our home,
and he just walked down the stairs,

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and he looked at me and he shook
his head, and I guess that was

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he's dead. Um, yeah.
The next morning, rising to her feet

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filled with grief and confusion,
Feelings of indescribable loss.

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Zoraida polished her school
shoes and headed off to class.

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No one said to me, Zoraida,
would you like to stay home?

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There was no. What was that like?
There was no therapy.

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I was alone with my dad when he died.
No one spoke to me about it.

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It was certainly my first entry
into the feeling of abandonment and

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profound loss, and also the start
to my hypervigilance, my hyper

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independence, my hyper burnout.
You know, I don't come from a

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family that communicated.
There was no processing that

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happened when you passed away.
And my dad, my dad was Muslim.

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And Muslim people get buried,
you know,

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kind of immediately when they die.
My dad died on the 22nd of March and

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was buried on the 22nd of March,
and I went to school the next day.

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There is an undeniable shift in the
way you see the world when you watch

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a loved one take their last breath.
And when you're dealing with regular

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teenage feelings of insecurity,
peer pressure and pimples.

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Your brain is trying its utmost
to make sense of the trauma,

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the only way it knows how.
And so all this coping led to a

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lot of dysfunctional behavior.
And when I say dysfunctional,

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I'm not talking about sex,
drugs and rock and roll.

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I'm talking about just coping and
trying to achieve more and more and

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more and becoming hyper independent,
because I was so scared that no

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one was going to be able to take
care of me.

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So I had to make sure that I
could take care of myself.

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My mom didn't say to me,
he's a writer, we've got no money.

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I mean, my mom didn't work,
but my dad certainly didn't

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leave you no money.
My sister's 12 years older than me,

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and so she'd been working at the
time.

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So she definitely helped us
financially.

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But no one put pressure on me to
go out and work.

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No one put pressure on me to achieve.
I did that to myself.

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So my dad's loss was my what?
I made sense of what abandonment was,

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and that was because no one
spoke to me.

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No one spoke to me or helped me
process stuff.

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I mean, the fact that I went into
broadcasting is no surprise.

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I've always been a communicator and,
um, I've always loved and enjoyed and

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celebrated speaking about feelings.
And I would speak to my mum

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about my feelings all the time,
and she inevitably would make fun

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of me, and so would my aunts.
In fact, that very day, the reason

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I went upstairs to go and be with
my dad is because I was trying to

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speak to my mum about something
and she wouldn't listen to me.

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And so I walked away and my aunt
actually said, oh,

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she's going to go and write a letter,
because that's what I used to do.

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I used to write letters, you know,
when I, when I didn't feel heard.

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And then I went upstairs to my dad
and that's when all of that happened.

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But I used to write letters to
my mum all the time because I

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just did not feel heard.
Grief has a way of forcing us into

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places and spaces we don't normally
choose to go, a landscape that

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we never intended to visit and
one that doesn't offer a break.

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It's kind of like walking into a
dense forest on the outskirts.

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You can almost see some familiar
paths of your old life,

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with friends and loved ones standing
there at the edge, peeking in.

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There's a part of the wilderness
that is yours to navigate alone.

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This universal journey is
distinctly different for each

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individual who walks it.
I've stumbled through this forest a

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few times, but not the kind of forest
that Zoraida has journeyed through.

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I think much of my teenage years
and 20s were spent in fight or

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flight mode.
It was spent in just trying to cope,

00:08:26.550 --> 00:08:29.910
trying to keep my head above water.
I found a part time job when I

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was 13 years old.
By the time I was in matric,

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I was paying for my own school
fees for my own uniform.

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And then when I was 27 years old,
I was at 5 a.m. and I had just

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finished Strictly Come Dancing at
one one, that reality TV show.

00:08:43.530 --> 00:08:47.170
I was so burnt out.
I woke up one morning and I had

00:08:47.170 --> 00:08:49.120
a complete bald patch in the
front of my head.

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I had alopecia areata and the
doctor said to me,

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you are completely stressed out.
And it had been like so many years.

00:08:56.140 --> 00:08:59.620
I resigned from five of em.
I was one of the first people to

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resign.
I mean, you know, in radio,

00:09:01.210 --> 00:09:03.580
no one ever resigns.
You either get fired or your

00:09:03.580 --> 00:09:06.880
contract doesn't get renewed.
I resigned, and Josh and I went to

00:09:06.880 --> 00:09:09.910
America on a five year sabbatical,
and it was one of the biggest,

00:09:09.910 --> 00:09:11.980
most beautiful gifts we could
have given to ourselves.

00:09:11.980 --> 00:09:15.250
But yeah,
that was a huge shift in my life.

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No matter the time of day,
there was always a radio on in

00:09:24.670 --> 00:09:28.630
the home Zoraida grew up in,
from John Burke on 702 to

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Christiane Amanpour on CNN.
Journalism and storytelling is what

00:09:33.520 --> 00:09:38.110
drew, Zoraida to broadcasting.
And that at the time wasn't

00:09:38.110 --> 00:09:41.890
linked to fame and fortune.
So it really was an honest

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attraction, using my voice to
speak to lots of people.

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And I also know psychologically
where it comes from.

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I saw it as something that I
really wanted to do and a job.

00:09:49.830 --> 00:09:53.100
When I came down to Cape Town and
I auditioned at good Hope FM,

00:09:53.100 --> 00:09:57.360
I was working three other jobs
whilst training at good Hope FM,

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um, and then went to five FM.
And so and here's the interesting

00:10:01.260 --> 00:10:08.190
thing is that I was celebrated by the
South African community, but I wasn't

00:10:08.190 --> 00:10:11.790
really celebrated by my family.
So my mum never, ever made a big

00:10:11.790 --> 00:10:14.520
deal out of what I was doing.
And nor did my sister.

00:10:14.520 --> 00:10:17.880
Like they never went, oh my gosh,
I can't believe you're a radio

00:10:17.880 --> 00:10:21.210
DJ or I can't believe you're on
five FM or can't believe you're

00:10:21.210 --> 00:10:25.350
on TV like my mum.
Never ever, ever ever spoke

00:10:25.350 --> 00:10:30.600
about what I did. Never.
So there was I in many ways,

00:10:30.600 --> 00:10:34.380
just felt like I was doing a job
that I enjoyed very much.

00:10:34.380 --> 00:10:38.550
And so when I went overseas, I've
been doing some work for top billing.

00:10:38.550 --> 00:10:41.960
I used to do their movie and music
junkets in the States, but I also

00:10:41.960 --> 00:10:44.990
became a waitress, so I was a
waitress at the Chateau Marmont.

00:10:45.020 --> 00:10:49.760
The one of the hotels in Los Angeles.
And I would have moments where I

00:10:49.760 --> 00:10:53.270
would go to the Four Seasons
Hotel to get an interview.

00:10:53.300 --> 00:10:57.650
Keanu Reeves or Ryan Gosling or,
you know, any one of those figures,

00:10:57.650 --> 00:10:59.510
the Rock.
And then that night,

00:10:59.510 --> 00:11:02.390
I'd see them at a catering
function at the Chateau Marmont.

00:11:02.390 --> 00:11:05.300
So I would go from, you know,
being all glammed up as a

00:11:05.300 --> 00:11:07.610
so-called journalist.
And then that evening I'd be

00:11:07.610 --> 00:11:10.340
their waitress.
So I didn't ever feel,

00:11:10.520 --> 00:11:14.360
I don't know if importance the right
word or celebrate as the right word,

00:11:14.360 --> 00:11:18.830
but I didn't feel special.
Let me just remind you that

00:11:18.830 --> 00:11:22.100
Zoraida made media history as
the first female to host a

00:11:22.100 --> 00:11:26.180
daytime slot on five FM.
She also hosted the reality TV show

00:11:26.180 --> 00:11:30.770
Big Brother and won the very first
season of Strictly Come Dancing SA.

00:11:31.310 --> 00:11:34.580
So while her family may not have
celebrated her achievements with her,

00:11:34.610 --> 00:11:37.880
the South African public were
paying very close attention.

00:11:37.880 --> 00:11:40.530
There were times when I would
feel like an object.

00:11:40.890 --> 00:11:43.230
You know, like you walk through
a shopping center and then

00:11:43.230 --> 00:11:46.500
people are talking about you.
And I remember hating that feeling

00:11:46.500 --> 00:11:49.170
like, why don't you just come up to
me and say hello? Don't. I'm not.

00:11:49.290 --> 00:11:52.830
I'm not a vase, you know, like,
speak to me. Mhm.

00:11:53.160 --> 00:11:56.850
And so that's always and in fact
today it still doesn't sit well

00:11:56.850 --> 00:11:59.130
with me.
If I walk past a group of people

00:11:59.130 --> 00:12:01.620
and they talk about me I get
really uncomfortable.

00:12:01.620 --> 00:12:04.800
I'm like, if you acknowledge me
like come and say hello.

00:12:04.800 --> 00:12:08.820
Like let's talk, say hello.
I've often wondered how someone

00:12:08.820 --> 00:12:12.420
that is really well known feels
about the fame that they've

00:12:12.420 --> 00:12:15.540
acquired and endured his case.
We know that she wanted to

00:12:15.540 --> 00:12:18.060
follow in the footsteps of
established journalists.

00:12:18.060 --> 00:12:22.620
That's why she got into broadcasting.
So when the public who have watched

00:12:22.620 --> 00:12:27.270
you on TV and heard you on the radio,
seeing you in magazines for years,

00:12:27.270 --> 00:12:30.810
when they have developed a picture of
who you are and what you're about,

00:12:30.810 --> 00:12:34.230
how will they react when you
emerge from the other side of

00:12:34.230 --> 00:12:39.940
this dense grief forest changed
and ready to pursue a new dream.

00:12:40.330 --> 00:12:46.990
What I do know is that when I wanted
to shift into health and wellness,

00:12:46.990 --> 00:12:51.730
I was so scared that I wouldn't
be taken seriously by the South

00:12:51.730 --> 00:12:53.950
African community.
I was so scared that they were

00:12:53.950 --> 00:12:56.890
going to go, oh, who does she
think she is to go from being a

00:12:56.890 --> 00:13:00.520
radio DJ or television host,
you know, wanting to tell us now

00:13:00.520 --> 00:13:03.700
how we should breathe or how we
should think or feel or act.

00:13:03.700 --> 00:13:07.690
And so getting a degree was,
you know, was twofold.

00:13:07.690 --> 00:13:10.330
First of all,
I came from an uneducated family.

00:13:10.330 --> 00:13:12.460
You know, both my parents hadn't
finished school.

00:13:12.760 --> 00:13:16.780
Um, I didn't have, you know,
good marks when I was in school.

00:13:16.780 --> 00:13:19.540
And and even if I did,
we certainly didn't have the

00:13:19.540 --> 00:13:23.050
funds for me to go to university.
So there was a longing for

00:13:23.050 --> 00:13:26.680
formal education.
And so I applied at Wits

00:13:26.680 --> 00:13:30.520
University to study psychology.
And I, you know,

00:13:30.520 --> 00:13:34.420
I became a full time student.
I was 40 years old with 18 year old,

00:13:34.420 --> 00:13:38.220
19 year old students, and I wanted to
break that generational narrative

00:13:38.220 --> 00:13:42.990
of my family not being educated
and no one having a degree to me,

00:13:42.990 --> 00:13:46.890
breaking that cycle.
Um, and I'm now embarking on my PhD.

00:13:46.920 --> 00:13:49.350
I haven't stopped studying for
the last ten years.

00:13:49.380 --> 00:13:53.970
At first, it became about having
to get the credential so that I,

00:13:53.970 --> 00:13:58.020
you know, am taken seriously.
And now it's more about my love

00:13:58.020 --> 00:14:00.510
of learning.
I mean, if you if you had said to

00:14:00.510 --> 00:14:04.950
me ten years ago, you're going to
love academia and research and data,

00:14:04.950 --> 00:14:08.850
I'd be like, no, the wrong person.
And yet here I am, you know?

00:14:11.790 --> 00:14:15.120
If you'd like more of that kind
of motivation and inspiration,

00:14:15.120 --> 00:14:19.080
you might like my mailing list three,
two, one shift.

00:14:19.080 --> 00:14:21.810
And if you're even the tiny bit
curious and want to see how the

00:14:21.810 --> 00:14:25.770
podcast is made,
find me on Instagram at Sean Lewis.

00:14:29.280 --> 00:14:35.480
What does it take to break free
of Societal norms, do you think?

00:14:35.840 --> 00:14:39.080
I think the fact that we want to
break free means that we are in a bit

00:14:39.080 --> 00:14:43.280
of a mess. And so what does it take?
It takes turning your mess into

00:14:43.280 --> 00:14:48.020
your life message.
We are not inspired by people

00:14:48.020 --> 00:14:51.950
that have it all together.
I did a talk and a breathwork

00:14:51.950 --> 00:14:55.820
session and this lady,
two minutes into my breathwork

00:14:55.820 --> 00:14:59.510
session, she had a breakthrough.
It was just her getting still

00:14:59.510 --> 00:15:02.690
that allowed a lot of emotions
to come up because we often,

00:15:02.690 --> 00:15:05.990
like me up until my 20s, was just
doing stuff to cope, cope, cope.

00:15:06.140 --> 00:15:08.960
And when you give yourself
permission to be still,

00:15:08.960 --> 00:15:13.370
so much comes up for you.
And in the two minutes that she gave

00:15:13.370 --> 00:15:17.120
herself the gift of being still,
she just had a breakthrough and

00:15:17.120 --> 00:15:20.030
started crying.
And she said to me afterwards,

00:15:20.030 --> 00:15:23.570
I'm so embarrassed that that happened
because, you know, I've got my my

00:15:23.570 --> 00:15:26.630
staff around me and I didn't want
them to see me in that position.

00:15:26.630 --> 00:15:28.370
And they look at me for strength
and blah, blah.

00:15:28.370 --> 00:15:31.770
And I just said to her,
do you even realise how powerful

00:15:31.770 --> 00:15:35.550
that moment was for your staff.
They don't want to see you as

00:15:35.550 --> 00:15:39.390
someone that has it all together.
They want to see their leader as

00:15:39.390 --> 00:15:42.600
someone that is human,
and we need more of that.

00:15:43.050 --> 00:15:48.270
You can't go within if you don't
get quiet.

00:15:48.300 --> 00:15:52.290
You can't because our brains are
working all the time and they

00:15:52.290 --> 00:15:55.260
are functioning and taking up
energy in this moment.

00:15:55.260 --> 00:15:59.520
There's so much that's happening.
But if we shut our eyes and we just

00:15:59.520 --> 00:16:01.950
go within, we're going to have a
totally different experience.

00:16:02.460 --> 00:16:06.060
You have to give you you have to
give yourself permission to do that.

00:16:06.330 --> 00:16:11.490
And daily it's it's vital we're all
going through things that people,

00:16:11.490 --> 00:16:14.550
other people can't see.
And if we don't take the moments

00:16:14.550 --> 00:16:18.540
to be okay,
eventually I think we will turn to

00:16:18.540 --> 00:16:22.500
dysfunctional behavioral habits
that will inevitably not serve us.

00:16:22.500 --> 00:16:26.940
And so taking those moments to be
alone, to give yourself permission.

00:16:27.180 --> 00:16:32.380
It starts with you.
The path you follow in a grief

00:16:32.380 --> 00:16:37.330
forest is often overgrown by thick
underbrush and towering trees.

00:16:37.360 --> 00:16:40.300
At first, the weight of sorrow
feels suffocating, as if the

00:16:40.300 --> 00:16:45.520
branches are closing in around you.
Each step forward seems almost

00:16:45.520 --> 00:16:48.550
pointless,
with memories fading in and out,

00:16:48.550 --> 00:16:53.260
reminding you of what you lost.
You may stumble and fall into

00:16:53.260 --> 00:16:56.440
clearings where the sunlight
breaks through the canopy above.

00:16:56.650 --> 00:17:01.930
In these spaces, when you're on your
knees, you start to see the beauty

00:17:01.930 --> 00:17:06.550
that remains even in the pain and
getting back to your feet just as

00:17:06.550 --> 00:17:09.910
quickly as the clearing appeared.
It disappears behind you,

00:17:09.910 --> 00:17:14.470
and the journey continues with
its twists and turns sometimes

00:17:14.470 --> 00:17:19.330
leading to even darker paths.
The forest teaches us that this thing

00:17:19.330 --> 00:17:24.460
called grief is not a linear path,
but a much more complex and vast

00:17:24.460 --> 00:17:30.240
tapestry of emotions each phase.
Be it sorrow, anger, or acceptance,

00:17:30.240 --> 00:17:34.290
contributes to your growth.
Wade through the forest long enough.

00:17:34.410 --> 00:17:38.400
Sit still long enough.
Giving yourself permission to

00:17:38.400 --> 00:17:41.250
grieve deeply.
Helps you develop a better sense

00:17:41.250 --> 00:17:45.240
of yourself.
We've got to stop attaching what

00:17:45.240 --> 00:17:49.020
we do to who we are because it
is so detrimental.

00:17:49.020 --> 00:17:52.590
Like, who are you without being the
DJ? Who are you without the degree?

00:17:52.590 --> 00:17:56.100
Who are you without being a mother?
Like all these things that, you know,

00:17:56.100 --> 00:18:00.120
we put as titles on our on our
profiles, you know, because that's

00:18:00.120 --> 00:18:03.570
really who you are, you know.
And those titles can be taken

00:18:03.570 --> 00:18:08.730
away in a nanosecond.
And so it's, it's I really feel

00:18:08.730 --> 00:18:11.130
that a lot of this pressure,
you know, the pressure that we talk

00:18:11.130 --> 00:18:15.780
about right now comes from us.
I think we put it on ourselves first.

00:18:16.350 --> 00:18:18.750
We really do.
I don't think it comes from

00:18:18.750 --> 00:18:21.870
other people.
You know, I love the saying we

00:18:21.870 --> 00:18:24.480
don't see people as people are.
We see people as we are.

00:18:24.600 --> 00:18:27.760
So this pressure is stuff that
we putting on ourselves.

00:18:27.760 --> 00:18:31.120
And you don't have to be one
thing for the rest of your life.

00:18:31.120 --> 00:18:36.730
You can change at any time and you're
here once no one gets out alive.

00:18:36.730 --> 00:18:39.730
So do your thing.
Change, shift, pivot.

00:18:39.730 --> 00:18:42.220
You know you don't have to stick
to your lane.

00:18:42.940 --> 00:18:46.420
Zoraida was 13 years old when
her dad died of a heart attack.

00:18:46.960 --> 00:18:51.190
Growing up in a household that
didn't communicate or share feelings

00:18:51.190 --> 00:18:55.000
meant that Sarita turned inward.
Her immense loss was

00:18:55.000 --> 00:18:58.540
internalized and translated into
a sense of abandonment.

00:18:58.540 --> 00:19:02.830
And when you experience abandonment
coupled with being othered,

00:19:02.860 --> 00:19:07.600
you quickly start believing that the
only person you can rely on is you.

00:19:08.260 --> 00:19:12.970
I am a huge proponent of not
being a victim.

00:19:13.390 --> 00:19:17.320
My dad's passing could easily
have made me a victim,

00:19:17.320 --> 00:19:20.830
but it didn't because I chose
for that not to happen.

00:19:20.830 --> 00:19:25.320
I've I've taken that cataclysmic
Talismanic moment, and it's inspired

00:19:25.320 --> 00:19:27.480
me to be the best version of myself.

00:19:36.420 --> 00:19:40.530
Zoraida has two teenagers,
but unlike the home that she

00:19:40.530 --> 00:19:44.760
grew up in, Zoraida speaks with
her children about everything.

00:19:44.760 --> 00:19:49.080
I have a 15 year old daughter.
She challenges me a lot,

00:19:49.500 --> 00:19:55.980
and she reminds me a lot of the
time that I have innate

00:19:55.980 --> 00:20:01.140
behaviors of my mom coming up.
Um, you know, there are certain

00:20:01.140 --> 00:20:03.930
things that we adopt through
learning environments, like.

00:20:03.930 --> 00:20:08.250
So, for example, my kids,
whenever I call them, their response

00:20:08.250 --> 00:20:15.330
is always, are we in trouble?
And they never in trouble because

00:20:15.330 --> 00:20:18.300
we talk about everything.
Just unlike my home where we

00:20:18.300 --> 00:20:21.360
spoke about nothing,
in my home we talk about everything.

00:20:21.360 --> 00:20:30.440
But I have a voice that is clearly
laden with trauma and pain.

00:20:30.860 --> 00:20:33.890
And when I call their names,
it comes out.

00:20:34.670 --> 00:20:39.470
So she teaches me all the time
to become aware that I am no

00:20:39.470 --> 00:20:43.490
longer in fighting flight mode.
She teaches me that all the time.

00:20:43.490 --> 00:20:47.420
She's a wise little soul.
My son is a completely different

00:20:47.420 --> 00:20:50.480
personality.
You know, I have a really

00:20:50.480 --> 00:20:55.310
special bond with my son.
My husband's mother really was

00:20:55.580 --> 00:20:59.420
gaga over her two sons,
and I used to find it so irritating.

00:20:59.660 --> 00:21:02.060
I remember when we got married,
she was like, I'm going to walk

00:21:02.060 --> 00:21:04.670
you down the aisle, Joshua.
And I was like, absolutely not.

00:21:04.670 --> 00:21:07.040
That is not what a mother does
with her son.

00:21:07.190 --> 00:21:09.920
And then I had my son, and the
first thing I said to him was,

00:21:09.920 --> 00:21:14.270
I'm going to be walking you down
the aisle. Um, yeah.

00:21:14.270 --> 00:21:19.160
My son is, uh, he's Pisces, like me.
So we very much connected in that we

00:21:19.160 --> 00:21:23.910
both really, really sensitive souls.
I'm very close to both my children.

00:21:23.910 --> 00:21:28.680
They very different. And, um.
Uh, yeah, we've decided to keep them.

00:21:28.710 --> 00:21:35.040
Oh, good. I'm sure they're relieved.
Your kids might never listen to this,

00:21:35.040 --> 00:21:39.510
but in the context of a podcast
living online potentially forever,

00:21:39.510 --> 00:21:43.740
is there anything that you'd like
for them to know about how you grew

00:21:43.740 --> 00:21:46.860
up and how you've developed and
the mindset that you've developed?

00:21:47.370 --> 00:21:52.230
Say something about you that you
hope they carry with them as they

00:21:52.230 --> 00:21:57.420
continue to get older in years and
have their own families? Yeah.

00:21:58.650 --> 00:22:05.580
Wow, what a powerful question. Um.
I think I'd like to say that I'm

00:22:05.580 --> 00:22:09.960
really grateful to have the kids
that I do, because I speak to them

00:22:09.960 --> 00:22:13.980
very openly about where I come from,
because I put a lot of where I

00:22:13.980 --> 00:22:16.830
come from onto them.
And I know that sometimes it

00:22:16.830 --> 00:22:20.090
brings pressure.
So, for example, I didn't have

00:22:20.090 --> 00:22:23.480
any material stuff growing up.
And so when they lose something

00:22:23.480 --> 00:22:28.640
or they break something,
they hear about my life story or,

00:22:28.640 --> 00:22:31.970
you know, my kids go to good schools
and I didn't go to a good school.

00:22:31.970 --> 00:22:34.070
And so I throw that in there.
Phase two.

00:22:34.100 --> 00:22:39.050
You know, I didn't get that.
Um, and through all of that,

00:22:39.200 --> 00:22:44.390
they know like, they know that when
they compare me to their father.

00:22:44.870 --> 00:22:47.540
Um,
I didn't come from privilege at all.

00:22:47.540 --> 00:22:53.930
And their honor me often with that.
Um, the honor me often and say,

00:22:53.930 --> 00:22:56.660
I'm sorry that that didn't
happen in your family.

00:22:56.660 --> 00:23:04.550
And it's really powerful because
young teenagers are not supposed

00:23:04.550 --> 00:23:06.830
to do that,
and they don't usually do that.

00:23:06.830 --> 00:23:14.450
And so even though I am their parent,
I feel so seen by my children.

00:23:15.980 --> 00:23:21.600
I feel I feel like I'm not their
leader, that we are just all

00:23:21.600 --> 00:23:26.220
walking each other home. Mm.
Wherever home may be.

00:23:26.220 --> 00:23:30.330
You know, I feel like they walk
me home and I walk them home.

00:23:31.890 --> 00:23:34.650
Hand in hand. Yeah.
That's a beautiful sentiment.

00:23:40.260 --> 00:23:45.030
Zoraida is an Arabic name and
means one who is eloquent and

00:23:45.030 --> 00:23:50.640
holds positive qualities.
Sirajuddin lives up to her name

00:23:50.640 --> 00:23:55.020
as she continues to breathe life
into the best version of herself.

00:23:57.750 --> 00:24:00.390
Thank you for listening to this
episode of Something Shifted.

00:24:00.390 --> 00:24:04.920
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Thanks again for believing in

00:25:03.920 --> 00:25:07.550
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My name is Sean and this is something

00:25:07.550 --> 00:25:10.760
shifted. See you in two weeks. Bye.