"All The Hats with All The Jazz Hands"

WEBVTT - This file has cues.

00:00:00.046 --> 00:00:02.066
Hey, how's it going?

00:00:02.746 --> 00:00:05.446
If you're new here, welcome.

00:00:05.746 --> 00:00:09.326
Something Shifted is about identity after interruption.

00:00:09.326 --> 00:00:17.026
It's about who we become after a lifequake hits and the stories we tell ourselves when
everything changes.

00:00:17.646 --> 00:00:21.606
And I think you're gonna like it here.

00:00:22.106 --> 00:00:26.366
My name is Sean, and this is Something Shifted.

00:00:27.966 --> 00:00:29.282
Today's story,

00:00:29.282 --> 00:00:31.177
belongs to Kamini

00:00:31.950 --> 00:00:46.670
I think that the entertainment industry is a bit like the guy you really like but who is
only giving you just enough and so it breadcrumbs you and every time you sort of say oh I

00:00:46.670 --> 00:00:51.850
want to get out I want to do something else it goes oh yeah here's a little thing it'll
keep you happy

00:00:52.236 --> 00:00:53.470
That's next.

00:00:54.237 --> 00:00:55.500
Right after this.

00:00:59.254 --> 00:01:04.137
If you're one of those people that believe rest is a luxury, we can't be friends.

00:01:04.137 --> 00:01:09.130
Real change is exhausting, and even when your mind is ready, your body has kept the score.

00:01:09.130 --> 00:01:11.861
You can't keep up without proper recovery.

00:01:11.861 --> 00:01:15.763
So I've started taking Solal's magnesium glycinate.

00:01:15.763 --> 00:01:22.507
It helps with muscle energy, nervous system support, and I'm honestly feeling a lot less
fatigued.

00:01:22.507 --> 00:01:27.635
You can learn more about Solal and their full range of supplements for healthy aging on
Solal.

00:01:27.635 --> 00:01:30.244
solal.co.za

00:01:34.538 --> 00:01:37.984
It's not often that I get starstruck in the studio.

00:01:38.346 --> 00:01:43.254
Then again, my guests don't often arrive with an entourage.

00:01:43.800 --> 00:01:47.713
This is very cute with you above and Tuxedo below

00:01:48.448 --> 00:01:55.604
send photos to Rue she would be keeling over if I was spending the morning with a dog that
wasn't

00:01:55.663 --> 00:01:57.250
Dog envy is real.

00:01:57.819 --> 00:02:08.810
I was only expecting Kamini this morning, but she showed up with Tuxedo, her very well
behaved and rather distinguished miniature schnauzer.

00:02:10.442 --> 00:02:17.307
It meant that I had to go to Pinelands every Saturday and go to dog school, which was the
best investment.

00:02:18.222 --> 00:02:20.870
yeah, I mean, it's great.

00:02:20.870 --> 00:02:23.652
I trust this dog a lot.

00:02:23.652 --> 00:02:25.734
That's kind of what puppy school got us.

00:02:26.264 --> 00:02:34.167
Tuxedo exudes a quiet confidence and quickly settles at Kamini's feet, a partnership seven
years in the making.

00:02:34.167 --> 00:02:41.958
And like most parents, dog parents included, we do a lot of grown-up stuff to take care of
our babies.

00:02:42.338 --> 00:02:45.512
I do work so that my dog can go to the good schools.

00:02:48.438 --> 00:02:51.505
It's mid-morning, late into the month of October.

00:02:51.505 --> 00:02:55.692
The Cape Town sun is still warming up, saving herself for later.

00:02:55.793 --> 00:02:58.528
But Kamini has been going for a while.

00:02:58.670 --> 00:03:01.050
For my sins, I've decided to be part of the 5 a.m.

00:03:01.050 --> 00:03:01.590
club.

00:03:01.590 --> 00:03:06.730
And I have to admit, it's just because I am much better in the morning, my brain works
better.

00:03:07.190 --> 00:03:12.250
You can see towards the end of the day that I look as though I shouldn't be around people.

00:03:12.470 --> 00:03:17.590
And so I'll wake up and I'll either go to the gym, go for a run, and then the day starts.

00:03:17.790 --> 00:03:22.470
And if I didn't start the day with a run or the gym, we would be in

00:03:23.224 --> 00:03:26.917
This is the kind of wisdom the ancient Greeks spoke of.

00:03:27.117 --> 00:03:28.578
Know thyself.

00:03:28.799 --> 00:03:39.148
The balance of understanding what energizes you, what matters to your soul, and knowing
your limits and the discipline of doing the things that keep you going.

00:03:39.649 --> 00:03:44.954
Or as we like to call it in modern times, adulting 101.

00:03:48.046 --> 00:03:56.438
Kamini started running long distances back in 2016, and to this day, it's one of the
things that keeps Hope grounded.

00:03:57.044 --> 00:04:06.197
I drew such a lot of uh strength and the ability to shake off energy that I didn't know I
was holding on to.

00:04:06.197 --> 00:04:08.926
This is not an episode about running.

00:04:09.110 --> 00:04:10.623
We don't do those here.

00:04:10.910 --> 00:04:14.762
During that time, I actually would listen to podcasts and people couldn't understand it.

00:04:14.762 --> 00:04:16.191
They were like, yeah, but the music gets you going.

00:04:16.191 --> 00:04:19.315
was like, yes, but you're there for like two hours or three hours.

00:04:19.570 --> 00:04:22.367
I need, I need like, it's like dead space.

00:04:22.367 --> 00:04:24.448
You're filling it with information and things.

00:04:24.510 --> 00:04:29.012
Don't worry, this is not an episode about podcasting either.

00:04:29.310 --> 00:04:38.037
I think it started out with the history of a certain ingredient or the evolution of a
fork, really nerdy things.

00:04:38.037 --> 00:04:52.949
m And then I sort of branched out into more businessy sort of things and then how to, like
the science of quitting, like the joys of knowing when that moment before things start to

00:04:52.949 --> 00:04:54.970
crumble, when it's right for you.

00:04:55.554 --> 00:05:03.279
the science of quitting, the skill of leaving at the height of the party, before it gets
sloppy and goes downhill.

00:05:03.620 --> 00:05:12.016
This is an episode about knowing thyself, about knowing what you want, about getting it,
and about knowing when to let it go.

00:05:12.016 --> 00:05:23.776
This is an episode about Kamini Kamini created a cheat code to help people pronounce her
name, spelt

00:05:23.776 --> 00:05:32.108
K-A-M-I-N-I pronounced Kamini like harmony.

00:05:35.150 --> 00:05:43.095
Kamini grew up in Durban, matriculated from Durban Girls College and promptly stopped
wearing green when she was done with her school uniform.

00:05:43.095 --> 00:05:46.958
She then completed a bachelor's in commerce at the University of KZN.

00:05:47.038 --> 00:05:58.610
So with her degree in marketing and management under her belt and a fire for food in her
belly, she packed up her life and relocated to Cape Town back in 2006.

00:05:59.746 --> 00:06:03.871
I was a far less accomplished food writer.

00:06:03.871 --> 00:06:15.745
That was the time when blogging was a thing and I was hosting radio on two oceans and I
was being invited to events and just being annoying.

00:06:15.918 --> 00:06:23.490
Kamini's blog was called Deelishuss spelt with two E's, three S's and an H.

00:06:23.702 --> 00:06:27.727
And my first blog post was about toast and about how it's gonna be toasty toast.

00:06:27.727 --> 00:06:30.425
Don't give me this like warm bread story.

00:06:30.510 --> 00:06:36.035
She had opinions, she had nerve, and she was building a career around food.

00:06:36.035 --> 00:06:37.576
Food writing.

00:06:37.576 --> 00:06:38.977
Food making.

00:06:39.037 --> 00:06:40.638
Food talking.

00:06:40.906 --> 00:06:48.368
It was a lot of fun, but I also think this is the thing about being young and having
nothing to lose and nobody knowing you.

00:06:48.368 --> 00:06:51.109
I would rock up at events and be that person.

00:06:51.229 --> 00:06:52.539
that's the editor from so-and-so.

00:06:52.539 --> 00:06:55.070
And then go tap them on the shoulder and be like, Hey, have you seen my blog?

00:06:55.070 --> 00:07:05.233
um And I think with enough time and enough just generally being irritating, people are
like, okay, fine.

00:07:05.233 --> 00:07:06.089
All we have this project.

00:07:06.089 --> 00:07:07.020
Do you want to photograph this?

00:07:07.020 --> 00:07:07.804
Do you want to do whatever?

00:07:07.804 --> 00:07:08.674
And so.

00:07:09.134 --> 00:07:14.374
And so, Kamini was willing to do whatever it took to break into the food industry.

00:07:14.634 --> 00:07:22.034
So in 2013, she entered season two of the wildly popular TV show MasterChef South Africa.

00:07:22.134 --> 00:07:27.525
I was in the food world at that time, um even if I had to crow by my way into it.

00:07:27.525 --> 00:07:34.137
So by season two, I was back in Cape Town and I just decided to go for it.

00:07:34.262 --> 00:07:36.970
and she went for it with a panna cotta.

00:07:37.088 --> 00:07:42.161
It's a yogurt panna cotta, citrus fruit salad, honeycomb twill.

00:07:42.462 --> 00:07:53.630
So you make the honeycomb into a dust and then you use a, uh like a shaping sort of tool
and you use a sieve and you dust it into this little round thing and then you pop it back

00:07:53.630 --> 00:08:00.084
into the oven and then it melts again, but it becomes this like disk of honeycomb, which
is clear.

00:08:00.416 --> 00:08:06.828
This is a recipe Kamini had been working on, tweaking and testing for quite some time.

00:08:07.176 --> 00:08:12.469
I had been away with friends and I took panna cotta as one of the desserts.

00:08:12.589 --> 00:08:21.934
And the next morning, somebody's girlfriend came to me and said, you know, I got into bed
and I thought about that dish and I was like, that's where the money is.

00:08:22.286 --> 00:08:30.242
Kamini take on a yogurt panna cotta with citrus salad and honeycomb disc is what got her
through the door at the MasterChef auditions.

00:08:30.808 --> 00:08:35.553
Like you go, stand in line and somebody tastes it and then you keep going through these
rounds.

00:08:35.553 --> 00:08:38.681
Until I got to the, you've got to meet the producers.

00:08:39.150 --> 00:08:44.982
And although her panna cotta got her through the door, it was her personality that sealed
the deal.

00:08:45.588 --> 00:08:51.082
And the question I'll never forget is, what fruit or vegetable would you be and why?

00:08:51.898 --> 00:08:56.327
And I said I'd be a pineapple because it takes time to get to the good bits.

00:08:57.508 --> 00:08:59.529
Who knows where that came from?

00:09:02.013 --> 00:09:05.076
So that might be the Kamini you remember.

00:09:05.076 --> 00:09:09.561
Kamini from TV, radio or the emerging blogging world.

00:09:09.642 --> 00:09:13.986
You might even have thought, there goes Kamini living the dream.

00:09:14.318 --> 00:09:20.438
Friend of mine works in film and TV and I said to her like, I would love to shoot a
cooking show.

00:09:20.438 --> 00:09:26.898
And then 2013, I won MasterChef and then 2014 and 15, I then have my own TV show.

00:09:26.898 --> 00:09:29.998
And it was incredible, but.

00:09:32.098 --> 00:09:34.453
There were things that I didn't know about myself.

00:09:38.144 --> 00:09:49.859
More often than not, hard things in life happen to us or at us, and however terrible they
might be, we can mostly rely on sympathy from others to help us get by.

00:09:50.539 --> 00:09:53.960
But sometimes we create our own lifequakes.

00:09:54.241 --> 00:10:00.823
We set wheels into motion with the best intentions, and then we have to make sense of the
fallout all on our own.

00:10:01.164 --> 00:10:07.306
Like pursuing a career path and getting exactly what you want, and then realizing

00:10:07.306 --> 00:10:08.812
It's not for you.

00:10:10.382 --> 00:10:16.522
Somewhere around 2016, 2017, I realized that I was deeply depressed.

00:10:16.522 --> 00:10:19.002
I was burnt out.

00:10:19.002 --> 00:10:19.822
I didn't realize this.

00:10:19.822 --> 00:10:27.202
When we shot Girl Eat World, I'd traveled to 10 different countries around the world and
everyone's like, oh, so glamorous.

00:10:27.222 --> 00:10:32.002
Sure, there's an element of that to it, but it's like you don't sleep.

00:10:32.002 --> 00:10:37.222
What happens off camera, the whole film and TV industry doesn't care what happens to you
unless you're on screen.

00:10:37.580 --> 00:10:45.297
When she entered MasterChef, the screen was the pathway to the thing Kamini wanted, a
career in food.

00:10:45.570 --> 00:10:49.969
I don't think it was ever that I was thinking about what happens after this.

00:10:50.254 --> 00:10:59.480
When Kamini had rocked up at the audition, she'd made her panna cotta, likened herself to
a pineapple, and kept progressing through the rounds of the TV show.

00:10:59.640 --> 00:11:07.505
She found herself living in a house on a golfer's date with other top contestants, with
the TV crew waking them up and leading them to breakfast, telling them exactly where to

00:11:07.505 --> 00:11:09.204
sit and where to stand.

00:11:09.204 --> 00:11:18.786
You had to be focused on the task at hand and I think maybe that I was kind of in flow in
that moment if I think about it now because I didn't ever think about what was going to

00:11:18.786 --> 00:11:20.408
happen after this.

00:11:20.408 --> 00:11:22.490
It was just like what am I doing right now?

00:11:22.830 --> 00:11:27.395
Truthfully, Kamini wasn't thinking about winning per se.

00:11:27.696 --> 00:11:36.365
But then she won, and she was celebrated, and she had what she wanted, and everyone wanted
a piece of Kamini.

00:11:36.786 --> 00:11:40.710
Even some people who didn't have her best interests at heart.

00:11:40.972 --> 00:11:51.774
Some like old school marketing person that nobody knows about then had bought a Kamini
Pather .co.za and had set up this site that was just taking all my social media.

00:11:51.896 --> 00:11:57.176
There were many T's and C's that came with the thing Kamini thought she wanted.

00:11:57.237 --> 00:12:03.889
Legalese and strategies and battles around things like domain names.

00:12:04.418 --> 00:12:05.639
You do feel like you're under siege.

00:12:05.639 --> 00:12:07.441
You do feel like you're being attacked.

00:12:07.441 --> 00:12:16.999
The legal framework makes sure that your anxiety is like right at the top for a very long
time because it's a language you don't understand.

00:12:16.999 --> 00:12:18.690
There's such a lot at stake.

00:12:21.102 --> 00:12:26.488
But then Kamini got the next thing she wanted, her very own TV show.

00:12:26.709 --> 00:12:30.393
Which of course came with another set of Ts and Cs.

00:12:31.170 --> 00:12:33.672
Girl Eat World was in the world.

00:12:34.773 --> 00:12:39.537
was broadcast on Netflix North America, so that's before Netflix is even in South Africa.

00:12:39.697 --> 00:12:45.402
But then the old hammer of the legal reality of being an adult.

00:12:45.483 --> 00:12:53.509
There were production company issues and then there was like a legal dispute about who
owns Girl Eat World, what happens, how things get paid for.

00:12:54.030 --> 00:12:59.043
And I think those sort of experiences bring you back to reality.

00:12:59.043 --> 00:13:02.365
Kamini had technically gotten what she wanted.

00:13:02.546 --> 00:13:05.228
Or at least what she thought she wanted.

00:13:05.288 --> 00:13:07.670
And maybe even a little bit more.

00:13:08.012 --> 00:13:18.989
I think creatives often find themselves in that space, but my undergrad is in commerce and
I think my PhD is in full-blown combat.

00:13:18.989 --> 00:13:26.514
So somewhere along the lines, I was able to find the right people to be able to navigate
that space.

00:13:26.895 --> 00:13:32.749
I think oftentimes creatives are the people in the back making all the stuff when in
actual fact, you need to be a business person.

00:13:32.749 --> 00:13:34.580
You need to know how this world works.

00:13:34.580 --> 00:13:38.030
You've got to be able to take it to market and perform some other functions.

00:13:38.030 --> 00:13:49.435
Kamini wanted a career in food, and here she was learning on the very public job, needing
to make decisions and hone her craft while being scrutinized and critiqued all the way.

00:13:50.135 --> 00:13:56.138
And just because the public celebrated you for a hot minute doesn't mean you get to relax.

00:13:56.750 --> 00:14:06.390
think that the entertainment industry is a bit like the guy you really like but who is
only giving you just enough and so it breadcrumbs you.

00:14:06.390 --> 00:14:12.770
And every time you sort of say, I want to get out, I want to do something else, it goes,
oh, here's a little thing.

00:14:12.770 --> 00:14:14.050
It'll keep you happy.

00:14:14.242 --> 00:14:24.741
As the heat was dying down around the television show and Kamini had the headspace to
consider her next move out of the entertainment industry, a breadcrumb would appear.

00:14:25.326 --> 00:14:30.289
So then after that it was, uh would you like to be the face of the Sun Lump Cape Town
Marathon?

00:14:30.890 --> 00:14:32.211
That's a nice one.

00:14:32.271 --> 00:14:33.892
Cool, let's do that.

00:14:34.653 --> 00:14:40.587
But so after the sort of like sheen of that sort of dies down, again you're going, is this
the right place for me?

00:14:40.587 --> 00:14:42.358
I wanna get out, don't know how to get out.

00:14:42.358 --> 00:14:43.639
What can I do?

00:14:43.639 --> 00:14:45.040
Where do I go to?

00:14:45.040 --> 00:14:52.826
Because as much as it's this crown, it's this mantle, it does mean that people sort of
want you to play in that box.

00:14:53.602 --> 00:14:55.839
when there are so many other things you could be doing.

00:14:56.364 --> 00:14:59.279
all the obvious measures, Kamini was successful.

00:14:59.279 --> 00:15:00.361
Dream come true.

00:15:00.361 --> 00:15:01.281
Tick.

00:15:02.023 --> 00:15:06.490
But there were many things that no one saw behind the scenes.

00:15:08.790 --> 00:15:10.592
my nerves were shot.

00:15:10.592 --> 00:15:14.534
I would drop something next to me and leap out of my skin.

00:15:15.115 --> 00:15:24.583
And I think that sort of paved the way for this depression that meant that I didn't want
to see people.

00:15:24.583 --> 00:15:26.384
I wanted to stay home.

00:15:27.185 --> 00:15:28.957
But I was still, I still had to work.

00:15:28.957 --> 00:15:31.348
I still had to put food on my dog's table.

00:15:32.129 --> 00:15:38.334
And so it went through this, I would go out, be a dancing monkey on stage.

00:15:38.848 --> 00:15:41.877
and then come home and not want to see anyone.

00:15:43.680 --> 00:15:47.438
This life quake is not necessarily like a one instant moment.

00:15:47.560 --> 00:15:52.350
That was a few years of just trying to survive.

00:15:52.718 --> 00:15:56.082
Kamini got pretty good at surviving.

00:15:56.284 --> 00:16:08.374
But fortunately, even if we don't know ourselves well enough yet, if we don't know what
our own limits are, our bodies have a way of forcing us into a season of reckoning.

00:16:08.374 --> 00:16:20.474
A friend of mine who's been through a depression as well sort of described it as a reptile
who during this depression you shed the skin and so you kind of resemble what you started

00:16:20.474 --> 00:16:23.548
out as but you are different.

00:16:24.238 --> 00:16:28.711
Kamini had started identifying at first for herself who she really was.

00:16:29.784 --> 00:16:31.376
I am an introvert.

00:16:31.376 --> 00:16:33.297
I do like privacy.

00:16:33.318 --> 00:16:34.699
I get burnt out.

00:16:34.699 --> 00:16:37.321
Lots of people, lots of small talk.

00:16:37.922 --> 00:16:39.204
Tires me out.

00:16:39.204 --> 00:16:45.690
And so then I don't have the energy to focus on the things that I actually want to do
that, I don't know, that makes sense to me.

00:16:47.384 --> 00:16:52.020
Kamini started cooking up something entirely new for herself.

00:16:52.323 --> 00:16:57.371
She was coming to terms with what she was willing to pay for the life she wanted to live.

00:16:57.572 --> 00:17:00.716
And that meant wrestling with some tough questions.

00:17:02.444 --> 00:17:12.219
That sort of lands with this avalanche of, I worthy, am I enough if I'm not getting the
validation from the outside world that I was before?

00:17:12.579 --> 00:17:16.821
And then you do need to have another hard conversation with yourself.

00:17:17.682 --> 00:17:25.066
Does the outside validation mean more than my piece or my own validation or how I see
value in things?

00:17:26.624 --> 00:17:29.499
Knowing thyself is the first step.

00:17:29.961 --> 00:17:38.617
But it's hard putting it into practice because you will be confronted with what others
know or think they know about you.

00:17:39.038 --> 00:17:41.699
conversation was happening in my head.

00:17:42.019 --> 00:17:50.681
But now to allow other people to experience the changes that had been happening within me,
that was the shock.

00:17:50.721 --> 00:17:54.552
Even my brother was a bit like, introversion?

00:17:54.552 --> 00:17:55.443
What do mean?

00:17:55.443 --> 00:17:57.203
You've been the life of the party.

00:17:57.203 --> 00:18:04.605
And then I realized like what kind of coping mechanisms I was utilizing to be able to be
that person that I thought I was supposed to be.

00:18:04.705 --> 00:18:08.258
And then to kind of make it okay with myself and with other people.

00:18:08.258 --> 00:18:13.883
to say no, to kind of go, I'm peopled out today.

00:18:13.883 --> 00:18:15.755
I'm not OK.

00:18:15.755 --> 00:18:21.740
And so that was an interesting interchange to take other people on this journey as well.

00:18:22.092 --> 00:18:26.444
looking back, many ways, Kamini had created her own lifequakes.

00:18:26.444 --> 00:18:34.707
The first ones were big and disruptive, exciting and whirl-windy, like dropping big
boulders into a lake creating waves.

00:18:35.168 --> 00:18:41.450
And now she was doing it again, but this time gently, like the ripples of a skipping
pebble.

00:18:42.092 --> 00:18:54.191
It's also the timing of the exit because I think if you quit or exit while you're still
sort of at a peak, that means you have agency, you have power, you've made this decision

00:18:54.191 --> 00:19:02.557
versus if at some point as it's starting to trickle down, then you don't have as much
leverage and it's an important lesson to learn.

00:19:02.998 --> 00:19:05.950
And so now it's been sort of who am I?

00:19:05.950 --> 00:19:09.562
How do I make choices that are intentional?

00:19:09.858 --> 00:19:15.015
And I know that word is being bandied about a lot, but I truly mean that.

00:19:15.015 --> 00:19:18.910
How do I make the right choices for who I am now?

00:19:19.438 --> 00:19:21.974
And how do I move forward with that?

00:19:30.902 --> 00:19:36.445
You may have heard Brene Brown explain that authenticity is a daily practice.

00:19:36.445 --> 00:19:44.389
It takes daily effort to let go of who we think we're supposed to be so that we can
embrace who we truly are.

00:19:45.029 --> 00:19:49.391
And that was the work Kamini had set out to do for herself.

00:19:50.212 --> 00:19:54.454
The goal that was really worth pursuing.

00:19:54.626 --> 00:20:01.690
Being able to free myself meant that I studied many a random thing to try and figure out
what it is that I'd like to do.

00:20:01.690 --> 00:20:07.933
And throughout that process, my relationship with my psychologist holds strong.

00:20:08.794 --> 00:20:15.337
It's the thing that has kept me rooted and grounded and given me the ability to be
resilient.

00:20:15.337 --> 00:20:18.339
Because I think that's most of this entertainment game.

00:20:18.359 --> 00:20:19.580
Do you take rejection?

00:20:19.580 --> 00:20:22.681
No, because there are 10,000 nos before you get to a yes.

00:20:22.681 --> 00:20:23.938
um

00:20:23.938 --> 00:20:31.062
But within that, do you maintain some element of authenticity and remember why you're
doing this?

00:20:31.062 --> 00:20:33.104
And I will stand for this.

00:20:33.104 --> 00:20:35.184
I will not agree to that.

00:20:35.845 --> 00:20:37.466
It takes a lot of energy.

00:20:37.902 --> 00:20:43.204
By now, Kamini was figuring out how to negotiate with herself, her true self.

00:20:43.425 --> 00:20:51.308
Part of this journey led her to complete a master's in psychology and at the time of this
recording, a counseling internship.

00:20:51.609 --> 00:21:02.944
Yes, Kamini still wants to work in food and entertainment, but now she knows she has to
keep track of what the costs to herself are.

00:21:03.438 --> 00:21:07.698
I think that's the, what is it, the performer's anxiety kind of stuff.

00:21:07.698 --> 00:21:10.058
It's the, yes, I want to be seen.

00:21:10.638 --> 00:21:15.958
And there's a time when you're a baby entertainer where you're like, yes, I want to be
seen for anything.

00:21:15.958 --> 00:21:19.698
And then you get to a point where you're like, yes, I want to be seen, but these are my
boundaries.

00:21:19.698 --> 00:21:23.098
And this is when you're allowed to see me this is when you are not.

00:21:23.098 --> 00:21:30.458
And maybe in the grand scheme of things, that means that I won't attain the sort of like
A-lister, whatever.

00:21:30.458 --> 00:21:33.030
But I think I'm okay with

00:21:33.038 --> 00:21:35.822
Actually not I think, I know that I'm okay with that.

00:21:36.023 --> 00:21:40.770
Because feeling like burnt out and a shell of a human being...

00:21:41.558 --> 00:21:43.124
I can't go back there.

00:21:50.784 --> 00:21:55.238
It's not always just about saying no to the things that drain you.

00:21:55.919 --> 00:22:02.726
Healing from burnout means needing to say yes to things that restore your nervous system.

00:22:03.882 --> 00:22:06.443
Self-care lies in the ritual.

00:22:06.983 --> 00:22:08.353
I didn't know this about myself.

00:22:08.353 --> 00:22:14.405
I thought I loved this entertainment life where every day looks different, but it also
does your head in, or does mine anyway.

00:22:14.405 --> 00:22:21.086
And so I love to wake up at quarter past five and do my exercise and then go through my
day.

00:22:21.367 --> 00:22:30.349
trying to drink enough water and then end my day with some kind of yin yoga, breathing
something so that I can sleep enough.

00:22:30.349 --> 00:22:33.570
Cause I wake up early, I sleep early.

00:22:33.836 --> 00:22:39.206
I'm trying so hard to consciously uncouple with my phone.

00:22:39.206 --> 00:22:44.922
I know that I need to put it in the other room, but we haven't got there yet.

00:22:45.966 --> 00:22:52.595
I have wished upon many a star that there could be a single easy to purchase solution for
a calm nervous system.

00:22:53.156 --> 00:23:00.225
But the truth is, it's the ritual of small, simple things consistently.

00:23:02.330 --> 00:23:10.082
The world now, I'm trying to make it not be so chaotic, which means that everything is in
the diary.

00:23:10.082 --> 00:23:16.234
I've become quite militant about structure in my world.

00:23:16.294 --> 00:23:25.616
I think that relationships with other people is one of the aspects of life that I'm still
sort of learning how to do efficiently.

00:23:26.137 --> 00:23:30.438
And I guess efficiency is not part of that social aspect.

00:23:30.710 --> 00:23:45.602
But I think because I have sort of grown and changed and been present about that change, I
think with that, some of the people in my life have, I think in terms of the picking

00:23:45.602 --> 00:23:47.604
order, have been reshuffled.

00:23:48.185 --> 00:23:58.933
Once you've flaked out on people, which is what they like to say, but in actual fact, I'm
just guarding my peace, they do kind of realize that you're not gonna go out on a Tuesday.

00:23:58.933 --> 00:23:59.830
uh

00:23:59.830 --> 00:24:01.411
And so then that is a shift.

00:24:01.411 --> 00:24:04.552
That's a when, when can we see you?

00:24:04.552 --> 00:24:04.962
Okay.

00:24:04.962 --> 00:24:07.193
So you, you don't want to be out till 2am.

00:24:07.193 --> 00:24:10.414
uh Can we maybe do a walk?

00:24:10.414 --> 00:24:22.899
So I think right now I'm trying to find more like-minded people who are looking for a
similar sort of outcome for this life thing.

00:24:23.180 --> 00:24:28.942
So it does change the way that you relate to people once you start showing up as your
truest self.

00:24:29.410 --> 00:24:35.054
Kamini's truest self is being able to hold this balance of both and.

00:24:35.295 --> 00:24:42.039
Because once you start showing up as your truest self, the world reorganizes itself around
you.

00:24:42.100 --> 00:24:51.386
Some relationships make room, some don't know what to do with a new version of you, and
some just thaw away, quietly.

00:24:51.467 --> 00:24:56.470
None of it lasts exactly, just the natural consequence of becoming.

00:24:57.024 --> 00:25:06.958
I'm somewhere between this counseling psychological move forward and then I'm still sort
of doing some of the food content related things.

00:25:06.979 --> 00:25:09.880
If I was just like, yeah, whatever, let's just go with it.

00:25:10.500 --> 00:25:18.524
Just because I think of entertainment and psychology are two polar opposite ends of the
spectrum.

00:25:18.524 --> 00:25:20.075
There's one like, look at me, look at me.

00:25:20.075 --> 00:25:23.026
And the other one is like, I'm holding space for other people.

00:25:24.716 --> 00:25:28.808
But I know that as my personality, I do like to be seen.

00:25:28.808 --> 00:25:31.509
I do like the personal engagement.

00:25:32.049 --> 00:25:45.005
But now it's trying to figure out whether or not I can have that on my terms and how that
looks and how I could add like evidence-based, like an evidence-based quality to whatever

00:25:45.005 --> 00:25:46.536
content I am sharing.

00:25:46.536 --> 00:25:52.518
So I feel like I'm in this liminal space and I'm wearing all the hats with all the jazz
hands.

00:25:53.036 --> 00:26:02.517
The important thing is that Kamini is okay with the conditions that come with every hat
and that she does the jazz hands because she wants to.

00:26:03.758 --> 00:26:06.418
I to speak to 2009 Kamini.

00:26:06.918 --> 00:26:23.058
I think at the time I was waiting for something to happen to me and now I've been able to
like lean into the agency of this life and of my world and kind of figure out which levers

00:26:23.058 --> 00:26:24.238
I need to pull.

00:26:24.238 --> 00:26:33.018
What I've learned about the human experience in the last 12 years is that it is always
going to be in full Technicolor

00:26:33.112 --> 00:26:34.702
beaming madness.

00:26:36.024 --> 00:26:37.364
And that's okay.

00:26:37.384 --> 00:26:48.670
Yes, I can see my life and I can be in it and I can experience all the madness, but I'm
also able to step out and have more perspective on whatever the madness is and then go

00:26:48.670 --> 00:26:53.713
back in with more tools to be able to work that in the best way.

00:26:55.406 --> 00:26:56.422
you

00:26:57.994 --> 00:27:02.796
Yes folks, here on Something Shifted it's not just identities that get interrupted.

00:27:02.976 --> 00:27:05.037
Sometimes recordings do too.

00:27:05.457 --> 00:27:12.040
And while the interruption threw me off my game just a little bit, Tuxedo didn't move.

00:27:12.040 --> 00:27:13.900
Tuxedo, do you want to say something?

00:27:14.941 --> 00:27:15.921
Tux?

00:27:16.681 --> 00:27:18.522
Not even an ear flinch.

00:27:20.170 --> 00:27:23.403
No, he's sort of also at that age where we have treats.

00:27:24.142 --> 00:27:25.764
I like that about Tux.

00:27:25.806 --> 00:27:30.434
Completely unbothered by the things that aren't for him.

00:27:31.072 --> 00:27:33.573
I don't know if it's possible when you're younger.

00:27:33.573 --> 00:27:34.984
That's just...

00:27:35.144 --> 00:27:39.226
But this is also why I would never want to be younger.

00:27:39.226 --> 00:27:40.947
Not ever.

00:27:41.127 --> 00:27:44.239
I will deal with grey hairs, I will deal with...

00:27:44.239 --> 00:27:46.580
I forgot my pillows and I've got to go see a chiropractor.

00:27:46.580 --> 00:27:48.110
Like that whole story?

00:27:48.371 --> 00:27:53.273
For the amount of wisdom and freedom that I have now.

00:27:53.533 --> 00:27:55.494
It's not worth going back.

00:27:57.570 --> 00:28:01.053
Today, Kamini is an accomplished food writer.

00:28:01.053 --> 00:28:12.162
Her latest book, All Dhal'd Up, with a focus on good mood food, picked up the Best in the
World award in the Indian food category at the 31st Gourmand World Cookbook Awards.

00:28:12.643 --> 00:28:21.760
I suspect her passions of food, entertainment and psychology will continue to keep tuxedo
well fed too.

00:28:25.698 --> 00:28:32.962
Go on, subscribe to Something Shifted on your favorite listening platform now and never
miss a human-centered story.

00:28:32.962 --> 00:28:39.826
You can find more episodes and ways to support the production of this podcast at
somethingshifted.co.za.

00:28:39.826 --> 00:28:46.829
And because you've listened all the way to the end, we want to share our Something Shifted
The Soundtrack playlist with you.

00:28:46.829 --> 00:28:55.924
It's a compilation of songs we've listened to while making this season of Something
Shifted, songs that make us feel a little less lonely and a lot more empowered.

00:28:55.960 --> 00:28:58.072
The link is in the show notes.

00:28:58.093 --> 00:28:59.114
Enjoy!

00:28:59.395 --> 00:29:08.148
Many thanks to Rue my executor producer, for additional writing on this episode, and as
always, thank you for listening.

00:29:08.510 --> 00:29:09.300
Bye!